http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=2K4B7s2njvo
A new month has come upon us all. The end of one stage and the beginning of the next. The bustling days and nites and lay side to the cold and snowy december. As we look ahead to the christmas season and the end of another year, we sit and reflect with others, What is it that got us to this point of the year and how have the last eleven months changed us forever.
For so long one day growns into the next and week into the next.No interuptions but the constant stream of time . Now the year is coming to the end did we stop back and look at how this year differed from the past or is it just been a continious flow from the one before. For we look at the things and people around us and ask ourselves did I make a difference to myself or to others. Its been a year of ups and downs , ins and outs. Looking back to the moments in time that will forever stay etched in my heart and soul.
And now I must go back in time to one of those points... a day that was to change me forever. Yes like usual i had decided to skip school and go to work. A place that made me forget the difficulties that had come upon me. A place to make some money. A place to help others and in that helping myself. Putting aside the real happenings was a blessing. A way to deal with life and the things that I knew were about to come. Nothing in my powers could change what was going to happen so it was time I escaped from it totally. Finishing up at work now it was time to hit the rink and get on the ice. I was needed to play that game that nite or a forfit was sure to happen and heading into the xmas season we needed all the wins . Again I put myself and others before that which was of more concern.
Like the last month as clock work, i took the car , knowing my dad would be upset for another late nite drive. He always knew where i was going so he didnt really fight me on it. All he ever said was make sure if you get tired pull over and rest. I cant afford right now to have two of you down. So I took the keys and drove to the place that I was needed the most. The usual guard was on the parking gates so he lifted the guard for me and said see you in the morning. Knowing I wouldnt see him the next morning it was a fresh realization that what had been going on was becoming part of my daily pattern.
Up to the front door, down the hall and to the bank of elevators i went. pushing the button and waiting looking up for the number to flash , the door opens and up i travel once again to the 5th floor. Out of the door i brushed my feet and down the freshly cleaned fllor and then it hits me. The door of hatred as come upon me. A place where i feared to go everyday but also the door I knew i had to pass through. Once inside the door i look into the corner , and their she lies asleep in her bed. Hooked up to so many machines. Barely able to recognize the one that bore me and the one that was always there. I slowly moved over to the bed and as I did i felt the temperature rise in my body to the point that i knew it was time to sit in the chair. But I had to make that final step over to the bed. Grab the frail hand and rub it soflty , so she knew I was there. She knew who I was but no longer could she communicate but I knew that when the noises on the machines increased I knew at that point she knew I was there. Holding her hand and face for a hour or more. Tears strolling down my face but holding back the cries.
I had to be strong and show her that I was going to be ok. The doctores and nurses came in and out every nite . They grew accustomed to me being there. If there was a spare bed the nurse always made it ready for me to sleep there for the nite. If not the waiting room lites would be shut off and a pillow and blanket put by myself. Many nites A kind soul would come by and cover me and stroke my hair. The tears rolling down my face for hours on end. I knew I had to be strong and hope for the best but the realization that her time was allmost come to an end. I refused to let her be by herself one single nite. And asleep that nite Im awoke by the intercom"cold Blue room 538" I jumped out of the chair for I knew it had to be. It was her room. I froze in my steps as the doctors and nurses ran into the room. The nurse restrains me from going in and i stand in the hall. not looking but hearing all going on. This was the beginning of the end .
Trying to be a big strong man I held back all the emotion and tears. To get her through the nite I had to be there for her. But Something snapped in my head. I left the hospital and walked and walked and even to the point i made it 10 miles home in the dead of winter. The car was still in the parking lot where I had left it the nite before. I climbed into bed not telling anyone what had happened and dozed off into the land of peace .
A moment in time that forever will remain etched in my mind... To see the the pain one has and the fight that they no longer have....The point at which i had made it to had now begun to end...
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=8Kd8xp86reY&feature=related
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